May The Curse Be With You

XXX

2012-01-24T23:08:00.000-08:00

I wonder if anyone ever come here anymore. Been meaning to confess something though, my presence, they have been rather sporadic, no? Lol. I just need to find something worth the write and time. Been writing on Tumblr so hope this suffice for now. And ask me what site I use to create the gif and say no to the manual picture postings. It is sick! :D I wuv yuh ol! Good day :)

Ala Juliet

2011-12-30T07:57:00.000-08:00

Hewo, waz guz errrbodi? :B

This year has been nothing but easy. But Alhamdullilah! I survived. Barely.. But still standing. I would like to take this opportunity *inserts motivational speech setting* to just point out on the things I'm grateful of this year.

1) Life and good health.

2) Armoring family by my side. Strong adjective but quite literal.

3) The privilege of continuing my studies.

4) Meeting all the amazing people that hopped in and out, stayed or left, during this year's impeccable journey.

There'd be 1001 more if I were really going to detail everything up but you get the drill. The reason why I'm putting this up is because I noticed a lot of people complaining about what they don't have and never what is already on their lap (self reminder). So, yeah. This sucks because I don't really have a punchline lol but what I'm saying is, be grateful because they say you never know what you had until you lose it but truth is, you knew what you had you just never thought you'd lose it. And BAM! Tumblr quotes. Haha.

Anyways, I hope all of you have a great new year's eve since I'm pretty positive that the whole idea revolves on the celebration hehe. And just have a smooth year throughout. Happy new year people!

Love,

NSMI.

Quick Update

2011-12-26T05:15:00.000-08:00

Spamming my blog with pictures because I malas nak blog. Surprise! Haha. My title couldn't be more obvious.. So anyway, went to Penang with the family and celebrated my youngest sister's birthday after. Yeah, the only person beside myself in this post would be her. Oh and mum followed me on here. Hi ma! Hahahaha ha ha.. :S

To The Moon and Back

2011-12-21T06:03:00.000-08:00

Miss you? Of course I miss you.

I missed you when I woke up, missed you the most when I went to bed. Probably will miss you again tonight. Missed you in between the sound of every vowels and consonants vibrated from the mouths of people that talked to me all the while you're gone. Missed you when I tried not to cry and just swallow the bitter gulp of my spit in. Missed you the most when I laughed although I stopped that instantly realizing that it was not shared with you. I missed you when I tortured myself and listened to every sad songs for hours and felt like it was all written for our tragedy. I'm missing you right now.. between the seconds spared on typing these words.

You don't know how much I cursed myself seeing you yesterday for wanting to touch and talk to you. Every word you mutter felt like a stab on my chest. How can I forget you when you're there right in front of me? When I saw you again today, all I want to do was cry and hug you. Grab you and tell you I love you but boy, you didn't even want me there.

I don't want to be the sad person now because nobody likes that but in case you ever wondered, and thought, if I'm still thinking, or missing you, here goes my answer. I'm going to take a long shower and try not to cry. I can't promise I won't think of you though.

I wish you all the happiness in the world even if it means I'm not going to be in the picture.

You Make Me Feel Like There's Nothing Left of Me

2011-12-17T08:21:00.001-08:00

There's a pool of emotions in me right now. I'm not sure how to be feeling but I feel somehow defeated. Like a portion of myself just died. Like someone took my heart out and stepped on it. I realized that all the efforts and time spent were in vain. I honestly thought we had the world in our hands but honestly this so called affection, or love if I could even call one; is consuming us alive. Like having cancer, we live now but our time's near.

I love u so very much but darling, I'm dying.

A Love-Hate Relationship

2011-12-04T07:53:00.000-08:00

My best Korean-looking updo (what?) pose. I don't know if it makes sense to you but fuck that, I was bored. And the epitome to that would be putting on make up and photograph myself. Hehe. Haha. Huhu.

I am going to be honest now, I did this post to intentionally render my vainess but also to tell you people who've been following me here, on Twitter, be my friends on Facebook-- that I fucking love you guys. I'm no Katy Perry, so I still pretty much get excited when I have a new follower and whatnot. Didn't thought I'd receive so much love from cursing and being myself since I have a level of insecurities that would make the Burj Khalifa looks like hobbit.

That being said, I think some of you might have seen my previous posts about how people would plagiarize some of the stuff I wrote or whatever and honestly, I don't mind. I'm actually really flattered because what I wrote was shit and people still think it's worth the copy. Haha so yeah.. Recently, I discovered a girl who copied my album's name because of the spelling and everything, you know how I make shit complicated-- and I was in two heads whether to be mad or just give it a laugh because nama album je kot haha but that girl fucking despises me! Looking on the downside of what happened, I think, it also made me feel like I'm actually good for something. I've been feeling sorry for myself for no reason and whatever (I'm actually just tired haha). So yes, thank you, readers. Silent or not, I still love you! Thank you very much.

There goes my Form 5 speech essay.

Nabila, Back to Peninsula

2011-11-27T21:09:00.000-08:00

Hello. Hi. What's cookin?

Sorry I've been so uninspired lately (obviously). So to make that up, and for the sake of this blog running again, I'm going to give an account on what's really been going on my calendar.

NOTHING.

Now, let me straighten things up before you picture me frolicking unnecessarily. I got accepted into the Fastrack program by UiTM or whatever it's called-- where a part 3 Diploma students can skip the remaining years of their study to pursue Degree. Or somewhat like that, yeah.

From the apparent tone I just phrase my lines, you might think it's something I haven't give much thoughts on and well, congratulations, u guessed right. I mean, as big of an opportunity it is, it's no walk on the park. I'm just grateful for the fact that what I prayed for came true although sometimes it almost feel like I am undeserving. But Alhamdullilah.. God's willing, I'll have my hands on my degree by 2014? Why am I starting a maths equation now!

Anyway, that is that. Now that all is unearth, you know why I have so much time to kill before March next year. So please, anyone in need of a worker ke apa2 la near Ampang or around KL, let me know? Serious employer only. Cewah macam blogshop gitu~ Haha I'm being annoying.

And due to vital case of boredom, I recently made a twitter account. I know I'm lame~~ Haha, but yeah, in case anyone want to follow me or whatnot, here's the link!

Much love ♥

Langkawi Permata Kedah

2011-11-16T21:19:00.000-08:00

Some of the pictures during the holiday trip to Langkawi. I have nothing to say about it because well, Langkawi is Langkawi. Not much's changed except for the weather. I also nearly died on my way back home for sitting too long in the car.

Yeah.

I Equate You and Hope as One Feeling

2011-11-11T09:44:00.000-08:00

My dried lips, my uneven brows, my dark pupils, loud utters and constant paranoia- you had taken notice of it all. Maybe this time you could notice the love I have for you for a change.

There are Times When I Hate You but I Don't Complain

2011-10-31T05:23:00.000-07:00

In general, horoscopes deliver the idea that every person born in the same month are bound to led the exact same lives which I have to say, is complete crap- although have been occasionally fascinated by the coincidences transcribe in the readings. Maybe because Taurus, which ironically a bull represent, have this settling, almost dull persona. I don't know.. What I do know is I need to stop reading them and being angry with my own sign.

I'm only telling you that because my daily agenda is so random that it's starting to feel like a lifestyle already. It consist of watching movies online, stalking strangers and basically just transforming everything that moves into something edible. I know, I'm afraid of myself too.

They say you reap what you sow and guess what, I'm sowing nothing! Ha ha ha... I'm pathetic.

Anyways, I know this might backfire on me but I've been going around the social network sites and I see all these people yang mencuba gilababi tu impress people with their English which, if I can just say is the most redundant shit ever. Word like 'liddat' (which is not even a single word, just another abbreviated slang) are being used wildly without clear steer. I don't get it. Who are you trying to impress? I personally respect the effort but you know that shit is obnoxious when you keep on repeating them.

"I'm cute liddat" "We're cute liddat" "I'm cool liddat"

I am nearly convinced that some of the people who use the word as often don't even know what it means. I hate being a hater but honestly, how many pictures have to be vandalised by that word before you stop and think, "Wow I'm being a repetitive bitch!" You know?

P/S: I feel like shit, therefore I'm being mean. But there, I've said it.

Cuz I'm impetuous liddat

So Happy So Happy Can Die

2011-10-24T00:09:00.000-07:00

I just got back from the most beautiful place I've ever laid eyes on. Why am I even home? Pshh. Anyways, the island was great. It succeeded my wildest dream and to be sharing it with someone so special made the experience even more exceptional.

The journey was sooo looooong but it was all paid off. I don't want this to sound like an exaggeration but really, heaven on earth. Definitely will have a second time. Siapa cakap tempat sendiri tak cantik? Come kiss me buttocks.

Thou Single Wilt Prove None

2011-10-19T09:22:00.000-07:00

Less than 48 hours baby! I'm so ex-jbsadfuckengjajbdn-cited ♥

I'm being annoying. I'll try not to write thrash when I come back. Wish us a safe trip!

She Lies and Steals and Blows You Kisses

2011-10-19T08:29:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack usage of proper words and the bombarding of rants. I don't really feel like calming down or whatever so another one will just have to do for now. Heh.

One thing I certainly do not get is when someone work their way into someone else's relationship knowingly that the person they hit on is already committed to somebody else. I know some might go like "Ah, you and your fucking jealousy," and honestly go the fuck on because that certainly won't change my damn mind about you. So yeah, why? Why the fuck would you be a slut and start hitting on someone else's boyfriend/girlfriend?

Some even brag about it after they have finally 'attained' what they aimed for. Like ha ha ha kau tak pandai jaga laki/bini sapa suruh? You fucking kidding me? The couple were fine before you came and you just had to start shit didn't you? Because finding a single unattached guy/girl is just so fucking difficult. It is just beyond my context of understanding, really. Do they really think it's innocuous to start flirting with another guy/girl who's already involved? Because their girlfriends/boyfriends don't fucking mind?

Please, you that dumb?

There's a difference between friends of opposite sex who hangs out, does shit and gets the fuck on with each other's lives after, and 'friends' of opposite sex who wants to hang out, pours every little shit that's clogging her/his heart and wants to fuck you after. I just... jskadhfjakdbf ugh! This fuckery needs to stop.

And if you think this is personal, damn straight it's personal.

I'm Just Really Pissed. Whatever. Enjoy The Rant.

2011-10-17T13:09:00.000-07:00

I'm so mad I don't even care about broadening up my vocabulary. It's one long draping post and you either swallow the shit in or well, fuck off.

What kind of an assbag actually thinks it's fucking okay to fucking mess around with someone else's mother? I think I stress about this matter already but some bitch still thinks it's funny or contemptibly overpowering. Like it's some sort of a motherfucking conquest to disgrace people's mother expecting a bunch of stupider people to actually worship them.

NO.

I recently encountered an incident which drew in me and this girl who hates me. Well, I don't know for sure but judging from the series of unfortunate events that somehow connected us, I'll just shoot at the obvious- she's not a fan. What's even nonsensical is, it's not even her! Not personally. I mean it's someone close to her but I guess she bitched about me about how I bitched about her and you know how the bitching circle goes, bla bla bla.. It's her clitface friend.

I was in the supermarket, all sloppy, dehydrated and shit.. fuck it I'm going to go grab some slimmyass fish, who in the world would doll the fuck up? (KIDS IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD). So anyway, in the middle of that clusterfuck, I saw her, recon the face and just mind my fucking business and well, guess who was rewarded with the stink eye? Hah! That surely 'offended' me. But I moved on..

Now here's the best part. Got my stuff, came back to the paying counter as my mother was patiently waiting, and there stood the fucking comedian. I swear to God she was looking right to my mother when she saw me walking towards the direction and I just cannot fucking stand the imbecilic look she put on that entitled "Ah, no wonder."

My mother was looking straight to her face, prolly noticed her constant glare when she was makin faces and I'm like, seriously? You just stare at an older person like that? What is this a motherfucking stare showdown? Even when my mum looked away, she was still very committed to her stupidass staring. It was just fucking stupid. And fucking rude? Hello, weren't you fucking hugged as a child?

If it was directed to me, tbh, fine. I deal with bigger shananigans everyday. You have a problem with me, you settle with me. Not my mother, or any of my relatives, or anyone who goes to the supermarket with me. I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU TO BEGIN SHIT WITH!

It's like now that I have issues with your friend, you're channeling the same shit to my mother? Fucking absurd. I really don't wanna go all secondary school about this but if it was someone else then I'll be more than glad to just shut the fuck up but this is my mother. Mia madre. Ma mère. Ibu saya! I know I'm no saint but I don't go standing throwing a mega dramaturgy to an older lady- whom I don't fucking know. There's this thing shared between strangers called um, respect? It fucking upsets me when my mother just smiled at her while I furrowed in disbelief and she just stood there, portraying more of her stupidity. Dumb fucking cunt.

See, I don't hang with people from my community for no reason. I'm over with this bull. Next time it happens, bitch gon' get cut. And seriously, everyone that has no respect for older people should be fucking disown. You homodumbshit really need to work on that attitude.

GODDDD.

Rain on Me Dear, I Don't Mind

2011-10-16T08:10:00.000-07:00

So a few days back my right foot was bitten by these semut api masa buang sampah. Haha. And it swelled and boyfriend took me to the clinic bla bla I got a vaccine shot bla bla took the medicine aaaaaaaaand when I woke up the next day, you know what I discovered?

BAAAAA-ZING! Haha bapak sedih gila muka macam nak kena lempang pun ada. I guess I was allergic either to the medication given or the shot. Stayed home all day :'(

This was 48 hours after the shot. Yeah. LyKe aMoiii KaRn~ Ah, my roots are showing. Heh.

I got better. The swell is slowly healing and I no longer look like I had botox, Alhamdullilah.. Despite all the hindrances; me getting sick and had accidentally infected boyfriend with flu haha he made me feel okay. I know I'm a train wreck in the morning and I'd just bawl on the phone looking at myself in the mirror, and of course it has to be on his working hours.. but he never shuts me down. And although the night I got sick he's supposed to go out with his boy, he still came over and eat lousy pasar malam's pizza with me :') Glad we'll have this weekend all to ourselves!

Sometimes in relationship, you always think you're right, you always feel that you're making all the big sacrifices but if you could just look back at the things that you get, and not always what you give, at the smallest thing even, you know that he deserves more the credit than you gave him.

But well again, I'm the biggest hypocrite I know..

U'huh.

2011-10-10T05:29:00.000-07:00

Picture courtesy of iliketotakephoto.tumblr.com. You guessed right, hitting the beachessss in two weeks. Tioman, to be exact.

Just me, bf and couple of good friends. Psyched ajksfbd vcdkjfhbs

The Reason I Swear So Much is Fuck You

2011-10-05T08:06:00.000-07:00

Loving the break so much. The pictures? Yes, so much for being in the same context kan? Haha. I know this is totally unnecessary, but hanging out with my boyfriend, everyday, is probably the best pastime ever. Heeeee say whatcha want please, fuckin judge me :D

Other than that, been thinking of a job to do. I mean as much as I love doing nothing, laying around the house, I still very much need money and mum offered something about cleaning the house and shit and wkwkwk I know claiming for a return for something I could/shoulda done for free is not the nicest thing to do but well, I'ma need 'em so merci beaucoup mother! :s

Hows your holidays goin' so far?

October, I'm a Fan Already

2011-10-03T08:24:00.000-07:00

I love the feeling of being completely at ease and you know, just taking in everything bit by bit knowing that I have more less two months of vacating away from the hectic life in Sarawak. Also, that I don't have to resort to maggie every meal time.

More time to relax, more opportunities to have better relationship and definitely more tumbling. Haha so I added the vocal I to the word tumblr which had apparently turns into an adjective.

Fucking sue me.

I Miss You

2011-09-30T10:00:00.000-07:00

You hear people's stories, see the affection they display and you thought, damn why don't I have a love like that? Instead, you never really understood yours, embraced it and think, what I have is enough and maybe if I just make it work, my story will be just as great. Granted, even greater,

2011-09-28T01:54:00.000-07:00

I do not have Facebook, not nemore that is. MySpace's a goner, no Yahoo Messenger or anything associated with my former Yahoo account. Forgot my Skype password. Only Hotmail, and MSN which I have been giving thoughts to terminate also. For the time being, only these and Blogger and tadaaaaaaaaaa I recently joined Tumblr, so yeah feel freeee.

You Can Lose Sight of It All

2011-09-27T09:03:00.000-07:00

You don't know how many times I've glared at the phone waiting for your name to miraculously appear from the screen. You don't know how many times I've enviously listen in my friends' conversations with their boyfriends while I pretentiously put on the earphone. You don't know how many times I've fallen asleep waiting for you and when you finally called, after summoning so much excitement in me, you left me, snoring on the other side of the line. You don't know how much I've given up, the time, the effort, just so you could ignorantly crush it all. You don't know how many times I lied to my friends and to myself, telling so convincingly, what great relationship I 'partake'. You don't know how many times I've miserably prayed of forgetting you and still think of you as much. You don't know how many times I've hurt myself so I would't hurt you. You can fuck off if you think I'm not feeling what you're feeling because my dear,

May - October

2011-09-27T02:20:00.000-07:00

Three papers down, two to go. I feel like I've been procrastinating forever to revise. Hue hue hue malesssss bangettttt. The semester's coming to its end, and although I am without a doubt crazy psyched, I will miss everyone awful lot! 3':

If I Could Find Out How, to Make You Listen Now

2011-09-23T00:20:00.000-07:00

Just a week before we're together again. I don't know what will happen, and honestly I don't care as long as I'm able to see that face again, I think, everything'll be alright.

Heh I'm making this sounds like I'm in Belgium or something. Still, distance is distance and every mile counts is a piss. I hope none of you gets attached to someone who's far because in the end, when the day gets tough and the night gets lonely, you would be wanting that person who holds your hands warm and make you smile randomly and tadaaaaa guess what genius, he ain't gon' be there. Haaaaa ha ha.

Have a great day everyone.

You're a Habit I Can't Seem to Kick

2011-09-19T13:01:00.000-07:00

It's 4 in the morning sayang, and I went through an assemblage of images just to find some good ones to put up here. Love? Underrated. So, these are good pictures of us. Yeah, guess they're alright. But, it is after all the phone's camera and you know what they do. Or don't do, whichever rings a bell.

I remember the time I followed you to that horrible-smelling cyber cafe just so you could sit for hours and play DOTA. I also remember nagging endlessly, but only to myself because you were just too caught up with the game to care but you know that day, I felt a feeling like none, where the minute I was just about to give up minding about you, and continued my goalless wander through the web, you stroked me with a kiss on my cheek. Just the moment when I thought you cared more about the game, you came to me. The feeling is just.. oh man :)

I know this is random since the only medium of communication elapsing our time these days are quarrels and I don't know, just hurting each other so much with our words. But I miss you. And although I know I won't be able to say all these the next time I talk to you, I hope you get a glimpse of how atrocious this current I'm battling with myself when I battle you. The phrase "I love you" is so overused today but I need you to be the judge if it still holds any meaning to you because I've said it once, said it twice, said it one fucking million times;

I am moronically fucked up, in love with you.

Why Do I Smile at People Who I'd Much Rather Kick in The Eye?

2011-09-17T10:36:00.000-07:00

I wish I didn't have to be such a wussy. I wish I was stronger.

Haaaaa I have so much in my head but I will not transfer it here. Not now. Will finish this later. Or not. Heh. Fucking fucked up.

I Don't Care What Nobody Say, I'm Gon' Be His Lover

2011-09-15T22:19:00.000-07:00

The incident, still randomly, cryptically, traverse my mind.

I was four, or five at age. We, my mother dressed in yellow, my father in white and I in a gown went to the neighbor's to visit their newborn -a he. What happened next was somewhat a foggy memory of me walking out from the house and move about aimlessly.

Next thing I knew, I was already inside a lorry, with two gentlemen wedging me in the center seat you'd normally see installed in the heavy vehicle. I remembered being happy. No paranoia clouding my judgement, not an ounce of tension. I was actually tranquilized. I was absorbed with fun, getting myself lifted a few inches up by the small quiver the lorry made when it hit the potholes. I forgot the fact that they two were strangers. But again, I was too little to inference the situation anyway.

I also remembered they asking me, where my parents were and I'd frantically point a direction without knowing where it'd lead me. They knew I was confused. But they didn't let it worry me, maybe didn't want me to start crying or anything. Inside the lorry, I listened to Tamil songs and saw sights I never laid eyes again after that.

After that, well, what appeared before me were a lady in yellow, a man in white and a few other of my relatives. No sign of the gentlemen, or at least what I recall.

Wonder where I'd be now if it happened in this time of the year, with men having sick avocation of hurting minors.. Anyway, mum said abah cried when I went missing. I always come back to this when I'm mad at him, conceding he's always a man of great disciplines and never showed any indication of fragility. Mum said she ate kerepek and watched movie all the while I was gone. Hahaha.

One of many people I know to have great sense of humor, my ultimate confidante, my mother, celebrates the 42 years of her life today. Looking at her now, hearing stories of what she did when she's at my age, made me think what divine lady she's turned herself into. I love her so and I hope she enjoys today because at most other days she'd always be making others feeling important and never herself. She sure as hell deserves this day.

Happy birthday my pretty, ageless mother!

Me in 30 years. Annoyed tak? Huhuhuhu

2011-09-14T15:00:00.000-07:00

6:00 a.m in the morning.

Not awoken, just awake. I try to stay human by inserting alternate slots to my night- morning now, so that I won't succumb to the exhaustion. Although, I have to admit, I am getting desperate, wetting my systems down with caffeine..

I am experiencing a total silence if you count out the chirping of the morning birds, the ever and again tired, heavy breath of my friends, and the pecking sounds of the keyboard. Made me wonder what the other side of the world could be doing now.

Some may be having dinner, or getting ready for one. Some are with family, some aren't as lucky. There might be a couple somewhere, sharing love and adoration. Or just plain goodbyes. Or a girl somewhere, too, wondering what the other side of the world could be doing right now.

Fix. This. Fix. Me

2011-09-09T06:42:00.000-07:00

They say I'm too young for love but I've been around enough to police beauty and jail them from the evil this world holds. Let out of what's been on your mind- what a splendid idea. Because I had a lot coming tryna break my heart and won. If you're gonna be one of them, tell me, I don't mind. Just for once, let me be nothing but maybes and uncertainties.

Now, moment of truth, do you love me?

Vent Sesh

2011-09-07T08:04:00.000-07:00

Three things I want to do now:

1) CUT SOMEONE

2) QUIT STUDIES

3) SLEEP

Three things I should be doing now:

1) START MY ASSIGNMENTS

2) STUDY

3) BREATHE

Can I Stay a Little Longer? I'm So Happy Here

2011-09-05T02:32:00.000-07:00

Wassap.

I'm feeling the urge to vent something really explicit. But.. I better not. Huehuehuehue. Annoying kan orang cakap macamtu? Fucking gets in me when someone hints you with something they're about to tell and decided not to finish it. Like "Omygodddd aku ada cita hottttt ya gonna drop deadddddddddddd. But.. takpelah. Nanti aku cite heee"

Sad how some of the like of these people are actually people I call friends. Fucking climax-killer. And naw, I don't intend on spilling anything explicit today, I just needed a hook for my intro. Haaaaa. Anywaaays, time flies so fast, yes!? Just look back at when it's Ramadhan, Eid and now I'm here back at the dumphole. Hello! Hm, scares me sometimes :/

But at least I feel the tense is lesser this time around. I mean I'm only gonna be here for how many weeks? 4 at most. Then it's home again. But what good could come out of it? I'm still alone. I mean even if I'm with the person I care the most, he seems to always know how to fuck things up. His collaborations with verbals and actions are prolly the most perfect shit to ruin a moment. Wish I could've contain my anger more and be water to the fire but well..

So I'm having the most random feelings today and I figure a link exchange would be fun. I mean customizing my blog, I forgot the most essential, perhaps one most significant in blogging which is by creating one, you read one. So as I have stupidly removed the link which used to direct me to all the blogs I read before, everything feels foreign again. So if you could kindly give me a hand here, why not leave yours on the comment and I'll put them on here? Savvy? No? Your call.

Mwahxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo hahaha

What Else?

2011-08-31T09:17:00.000-07:00

Kepada Cik Peah, Cik Jila, Cik Nurul, Cik Murni, Cik Ain, Cik Rosnah, Cik Tembam. Encik Jebon, Encik Abu, Encik Jiglo mahu Encik Jumaat dan semua yang tak terlarat saya nak senaraikan di sini..

Pada yang mengenali, sepuluh jari saya susunkan kalau ada yang terkecil hati, terguris perasaan dengan kata-kata mahupun perbuatan saya selama ni. Mana tahu sewaktu limpas di kedai mamak saya terjeling, dalam Facebook pernah bertengkar mulut, dalam Blogger ayat saya bikin panis ke.. Hmm. Harap korang ehem maksud saya anda semua dilimpahi rahmat dan rezeki melimpah ruah di bulan kemenangan ini. Makanlah banyak-banyak sikit supaya saya mempunyai geng. Minta maaf juga saya ucapkan atas penggunaan bahasa menjengkelkan pada post kali ini. Raya-raya macamni sahaja boleh kita gunakan ayat cliche Komsas Tingkatan 5 ye puan-puan.

Salam Aidilfitri dari NSMI dan keluarga xx

I Know I Said This Wouldn't Interfere

2011-08-20T01:26:00.000-07:00

I remember the last time my hormones got all crazed up, and I would armor my act-out, never letting it gets the best out of it. Not today.

Today I am that bitch who gets pissed for no reason. I raged over a song and laughed moronically just instantly after thinking how stupid it was. I had 5 cups of Nescafe yesterday and a couple more just now. I feel lonely as fuck at the same time too bugged with the presence of people around me. The shit they do, oh my god.. I had a few urges on telling them off but it made me sad thinking of it. Random cry spells, shocker. I think I wanna go read some books now. Or listen to sappy songs. Or jump off a cliff.

Ugh, you must think I'm a bitch right? I'm not a bitch. Well, I kinda am.. I am >:'{

I Notice Your Eyes are Always Glued to Me

2011-08-19T00:25:00.000-07:00

My body is rejecting the constant tilts of the weather here by turning down my immune system. One day it's as cold as blue blazes and sauna ray at the corner of your brains the day after. Psychologically, the alternate dry and humid surroundings don't seem like a problem but my physique, they're angry.

Final's schedule was out yesterday and only then I had the chance to briefly examine the upcoming semester's timeline (which sucked, bee tea double-you), so here I am aligning everything for next semester before the current one rolls its curtain down. I wonder, to what end would this be? Being in race with things I'm obligated to?

Speaking of which, a friend of mine just lost her father this very morning and having known her situation, yet being so so strong about it, I could not set an imagination on how I'd react if I were walking her shoes. Allah bless his soul and grant him peace.

Everyone's Broken Enough to Be Humble

2011-08-18T01:25:00.000-07:00

You know good deeds don't always sequence with great aftermath. Sometimes, in the process of helping one climb, we might get ourselves kicked in the face and fall off. It's not fair but what is? One fasted and had diarrhea the next day, a boy loved and was pushed away, a mother gave life and had hers taken anyway.

I don't know what's this for. A reminder perhaps. After all, we can't always hope for something great to blossom out of an act of kindness. Or play the field towards an understanding of equality. You see, sometimes it's not enough- will it ever be? The other time it's enough but does not belong. Now why blame? Why hurt? The world's pretty when you desire so.

Things have been calming down in the relationship portion, that's one thing to thank of. Would have to control my temptation on foreplay-ing Blair in real life. Mi boyfie ain't no Chuck- he's worse. Although a relationship without quarrels sound pathetic and is an utter bullshit to me, I cannot say I do not take pleasure in catching up my breath.

For now.

Random Fact #1

2011-08-14T08:35:00.000-07:00

First tell me, why would someone that never really switched the favor of smiling, yet alone be your friend, request you to be her sister in fucking Facebook after a couple of meaningless wall posts? Fucking absurd, if you ask me. Heh. But that's just me.

So, random fact numero uno, I haven't really been someone that's good with conversations, with strangers especially. I'd never make the first move and I make this face and stare blindly when I'm thinking. Some people think I'm mad when I might just be thinking of a conversation starter. Haha. Most of the time I encounter a situation that needs talking and mingling (during flight, in a taxi, etc), no scratch that, I never encounter a situation that needs talking because.. most of the time I'd just shut my eyes and play snoring. It's not that I don't want to engage in human socializing but I'm really bad at responding.

Say, someone come up to me and crack a joke for a starter. A polite thing to do would be laugh, or giggle for the most least. That is for normal functioning person. You know what I do? I'd first collect myself for his sudden appearance thus paying no attention to what he had just said and produce this horrid inhumane sound- "Whaa?"

*insert crickets sound*

Yeah I know. I do that a lot. Sometimes it's because I don't hear the words and I'm too ashamed of my deafness to say pardon.

Well, now you know, don't you? So, next time you see me, my advice would be, smile. Never talk. I can be pretty darn good at it ;) Hahaha I'm so messed up.

I am Done, Smoking Gun

2011-08-12T06:18:00.000-07:00

The last time histrionic had numbered my conscience was months ago and I was determined not to let it posses me again. You know that helpless look your friends throw at you when you're at your lowest, ugliest state? You remembered the first time you were howling mad at yourself in tears and they would come pat your back and tell you it'll be fine. But let's get real here, it's been too many times that it came to a point where they don't give shit no more. I don't blame 'em. Who am I fucking? I did this to myself.

It took me by shock that when I cried today all I want to do is end it. Most of the times, I would prolong the misery. For what reason, I do not know. Guess I was used to being all fucked up. It stroke me then, all this sufferings for what? An occasional kindness? Is there some kind of a reward out of all this? For patience? And self-destruction? How much longer?

It's not easy being the one who leaves the relationship. But what's the point of staying with someone who doesn't even try? If he wants me, he'll man up and stop me. Too bad his needless ego had to stand in the way. You'll always be apart of me, always. But I don't think I could handle anymore of the drama.

You're on your own now, just like how you've always wanted.

And After All, You're My Wonderwall

2011-08-10T06:05:00.001-07:00

Alhamdullilah. Alhamdullilah. Alhamdullilah.

I just want to express my gratitude towards the fact that I've been blessed, so so blessed, beyond recognition. Life has been at its greatest to me. It's not prefect and never will it be but I'm thankful for what I have attained in it so far.

The ageless woman you see on the upper pic would be my ever so gorgeous mother who has been putting up so much for me. Wish I had grown half as beautiful as she is :( There are many things I am to tolerate in life, but not rudeness. And to my mother that is. Or any mothers, in fact. I mean, it seems that of late, people find it funny to make fun of other people's mum (see Yo Mama's Jokes). It's sad that some of us even have the intention of being perceived as cool after belittling our own. Wanna be cool? Leave your mama out of it and google Hispter 101. You could be like rempit in disguise! ;)

She Sang The Words Right Outta My Heart

2011-08-09T08:51:00.000-07:00

Every hair on my body prickled with awe hearing to this. Fucking stunner, she is.

How To Be A Prick - For Dummies

2011-08-08T15:31:00.000-07:00

Think you have this disorder of being a complete ass especially to your girlfriend? Come check these facts and know for sure! :D

1) You say whatever's on your mind without leaving a room for a thing called manners. Ya think ya keepin' it real and ya think it's making her motivated to better herself but guess again, she ain't made of rocks.

2) You'd rather play DOTA or COD or all that cold, unmoving PC games than be with her when she needed you the most. ONLY WHEN SHE NEEDED YOU. Eg : Her birthday.

3) You don't respect her family. Now how do you plan to be with her prosperously ever after again?

4) The 'I'm the boyfriend' rules. She cannot have fun, you can. You can have a girl best friend where you share everything to the tiniest details of your relationship with and when it's her turn to do it, that's it, she is definitely cheating.

5) You degrade her. In front of your friends. And hers. Timelessly.

6) 'Guide' her to the 'correct' way of dressing, talking, even laughing. You know, the basic stuff (living) so that she fulfills your imagination of having a perfecto girlfriend and loss herself.

7) "I don't want her to forget me." Well, here's a quick tip. Tell her she's not good enough. Yep. You know, when you tell a girl she's pretty or perfect, it'll only be system-ed in her temporal memory but when you tell her she has huge nose, terrible skin or FAT (this would work), she'll remember it forever. Serious shit right there.

8) Makes her pay stuff for you. Why do the American pay when you can have a lady pay? Get where I'm going? :D

9) This is, without a doubt, the ultimate shortcut to being a prick- lay your hands on her. No, I certainly don't mean spooning or rubbing each other off. Just beat that shit right outta her. It's not like she's going to fight back. Huhuhuhu.

10) Cheat. What's there to explain? Cheat means you cheat.

So there you go. This is only a number of all the things you could do to be a jerk. But don't give up, explore more! You'll be surprised of how creative your mind gets when it comes to breaking that heart of hers. Good luck, mates!

P/S : In case you haven't already noticed, this is me being sarcastic.

My Heart, Ever at Your Service

2011-08-08T04:58:00.000-07:00

How do you like the new look? Heh. Nothing original about it but 4 years of using the same layout thought this blog could use some change.

During a search for my term paper, I read that people with low self-confidence have the tendency to put up with shitty behavior. Per say, an intimidated girlfriend whose boyfriend has been cheating throughout their relationship. It's not like her level of conscientiousness had vanished or anything like that. She realize that she's being treated awfully but somehow, her esteem, which is ever so low, is making her cope with the shit. Some sad stuff ain't it?

Well, I'm her.

#1

2011-08-06T10:16:00.000-07:00

She could feel the warmth of crystal liquids rolling down her cheeks. What did she not do? Hasn't she been a fantastic court? She had done all but poor to him. She had clean the house, dining him with his favorites, poured more than attention to him, been a great company at social affairs- she showed his friends what a good wife he'd attained. She even made him laughed on some days. So what could have gone wrong for her to receive such misfortune?

She could hear the steps encountering the room. It must have been his. From the lazy dragging noise he makes, she was sure it was him as she hastily rub her tears.

"You back dear?" Forcing herself to smile.

He had nodded without looking at her and she realized that today isn't going to be one of those days where her husband come running to her telling sorts of stories she couldn't understand and he would just dearly kiss her instead. Not that she was hoping for it. Her husband isn't a romantic. No longer, that is. She was determined on making the day better as she approached him and helped him pull out his jacket.

"I'm no boy, Cyn. I'll be alright," he resisted her gestures politely but there was an acidic sting on her heart that she could not help but releasing those pearls from inside her eyes.

Realizing her sudden behavior of which did not occur his conscience, he sat down facing her round face. He examined the lovely lady in front of him. Her hair kept tidy in a bun, her blouse was grey, dull as the fog. The wrinkles around the edges of her eyes just make her more beautiful, he thought. Her brown eyes, even soaking with tears, never lost its glitter. She was still the same Cynthia he had first met and fell in love with. He wipe the tears off her cheeks and play a round swirl on her hair with his fingers.

"What's wrong, my darling? Is it something I did?" he asked rhetorically. Of course it's something he did. His Cynthia was too strong to have broken down for anything else, but not for her beloved. Maybe it was his refusal of her assistance. Why he did it, he did not know. He was exhausted. He remembered a friend's advice when he first told him he was getting married. "Never say no to 'em. Even it's annoying the fuck outta ya!" Could she have been insulted by it?

"Have I lost my shine?" she sobbed.

"My sweet darling, you're always shining," he answered, adding a firm smile to it.

"No, you are just saying them to make me feel better. That's what you always do. You make me feel like a toss sometimes and one minute later you worship me like you've never met other girl before!"

He could hear the shiver in her voice. He pitied her. How could a woman so fine be wrenching sobs for something that is not happening? He laughed and continued,

"But I've never met other girl before!"

She paused and gazed at him, disbelief at his attempt of being funny at her grief. His smile were tilt when he imitated her frown and hug her.

"Oh Cynthia, honey. Have some sense of humor."

She had backed his hug and drifted further from the seat they shared. He shook his head, smiling. He stood up and kneed to her. His head on her lap.

"Do you hate me so much you aren't going to talk to me? I miss you already."

She looked down, seeing gray hairs starting to appear in the mass of curly strands. She loved him so much, how can she stayed mad so long? She was just testing him. He looked up and caught her eyes. He smiled. "Talk to me, will you?"

Tears involuntarily burst out of her system again. She was embarrassed of it considering her husband's effort at comforting her. But she couldn't stop it. A heavy weave was hanging onto her heart.

"I miss you so much Joe. We barely even communicate these days. I'm so lonely." He layed his head on her lap. He could not bare the watch of her wife crying so limply.

"What am I supposed to do, Cyn? I work all day. I come back all drained. This is all for us, honey. Our life. Our future." he defended himself.

"Is it so wrong for me to feel your love once in a while? It's all talk Joe, and never the walk. Try be the one who lays around the house and not have complaints. It's like you don't.." Wasn't able to finish her words she cupped her face with her palms. Her sobs were raising louder. "Whatever it is, I'm getting sick of it!" She had added, with all the strength composed in her.

He had lifted his head to hear her. His jaw opened. He was awed and angry at the same time. How could she say that when he had worked so hard to provide for her. He rose, shielding his anger. He walked passed her and back again, realizing what fool he is to have let such condition warped her.

"Cyn.. my poor Cyn. All of things, I'd be damned if I hadn't love you. Forgive me if I've ever took you caress for granted my sweet love. It hurts me seeing you this way." His face was hot. He realized that the words had affected him more saying it loud out. But he was not going to cry. Not when she was like that. He sighed a long breath.

"I think it's best we part. Just until you get your priorities sort" She said, realizing her husband's stare was thrusting way to the back of her skull. His heart was crushed. It's as though a hot iron was pressed on it. "I'm not giving you up, Cyn. Not without a fight that is." She remained unresponsive. "I'm all worn out, Cyn. My spine's catching up with me but that doesn't mean my love's going down with it. I've done all this just so I could see you smiling when I come home. Forgive me Cyn, for being grumpy all the time. Forgive me my age is chipping me." His masculinity was no longer a relevance that his tears beginning to drip from his lower eyelashes. The thought of losing her feels like death.

Weighed with guilt, she realized what nonsense she had uttered earlier. That man had stood by her at her worst and look at what she had done. She broke him. It is true that Joe has't been the most caring husband but he had always sought for her when he had the chance to. She reminisced of their youth. So spontaneous, so much love and bliss. The only spontaneity they have achieved now is the cold, short kiss they shared before he leaves for work. More like a routine, that is. She knew how much he loved her and she couldn't deny it even if she has a year to debate.

"I'm sorry Joe. My love, I've hurt you so much." she clinged her arms around his neck and drown in his chest. He grabbed her shoulders and push them further apart so he could see her face. "My dear, I want you to listen carefully. There will be days where I act like a complete sod and wouldn't have the chance to dine with you. There will be times where I will not have the time to spare the time you so ever deserve and will unconscionably ignore you but I want you to know that when I'm at work and the clock ticks 5, all I want to do is see your face. Every night, when the hectic is over, it's you I end my night with."

That moment, their eyes taunted, she knew, her young Joe never grew old.

Karma's a Bitch and So Will Your Next Girlfriend Be

2011-08-03T22:20:00.000-07:00

Akan datang satu hari, yang mana tiba-tiba seorang perempuan, yang kau tiba-tiba sayang, tiba-tiba jadi milikmu, dan tiba-tiba palat perangainya. Perempuan itu akan terkeluar dengan lelaki lain, tersms dengan boyfriend orang, terpijak hati kau, terpijak lagi, dan akhirnya tertinggalkan engkau. Hari itu nanti, kau akan tiba-tiba teringatkan aku, dan fikir, alangkah baiknya jika,

aku, masih ada.

My Home Now Seems a Better Place

2011-07-31T06:19:00.000-07:00

To all of you yang dapat makan masakan emak yang fantastic superb delicious gila even if it's just sambal tempe for berbuka puasa, dapat nasihatkan adik-adik supaya puasa (padahal dulu kite teguk air paip bile haus), dapat jemaah terawih di masjid or rumah regardless, dapat sama-sama rasa semangat pegi bazaar dengan member walaupun pening sebab panas sangat (or is it just me?), dapat tengok RTM1- the only time the channel will be displaying and that is for the azan calling because my family have this peculiar understanding that somehow RTM airs the earliest azan. Yea, I know -.- and basically just to be around your loved ones during this holy month, BE GRATEFUL.

Because some of us, you see, some of us, aren't as lucky as you are.

So fast well and may Allah bless us all.

This Melody Was Meant for You

2011-07-27T22:41:00.000-07:00

Excuse my fungal-infected looking lips. Putting this up as the picture speaks for many recent stuff that has been going on. Like my stupid fringe, which was a huge mistake. Turned out that having hair tangling on my forehead, blocking my view was even a bigger issue than missing a side of eyebrows.

Left this boy home merely a week ago and already missing him so much :( Takpe, sekejap je lagi and it'll be as easy as falling off a log after that-- or at least what I'd like to believe.

The Malaysia vs. Singapore football game is currently showing and the cafe is full of people. I can hear the mad blast from my room. Wish I was there, but I am expected to present a financial report tomorrow for a charity project that had me thinking, of all work, kenapa la mengira, bahagi, darab all that calculation shit yang aku dapat?

Ramadhan is not far ahead, kurang lebih 3 hari la ek? I nak buat baju raya sheer fabric in nude with embroidery la tahun ni. Alaaa yang ala-ala Amen dress yang orang dalam LOOKBOOK.NU pakai tu. Ikut zaman kan I? Eh mesti~ Tapi bila nak pakai? Raya ke-4 dah balik sini.

FUCK.NU!

P/S: Sorry for the annoying dose of annoying language yang tak kelakar pun. Cut me a brick will u?

Razor Blade Sharp

2011-07-17T17:50:00.000-07:00

You know how I am. I'd never post anything lengthy or important in that matter of fact, kalau dah nak dekat balik macamni :"> Anyway, meet my room mate for the break, who's been very patience with my bladder yang setiap malam harus dikosongkan. But you know what, I heard once that by urinating more it actually increase the rate of your hair growth. So drink more water nescaya rambut akan panjang. Rambut mana, don't ask. Hahahaha. Kaaaaay. So, here's my baby Farah on our way to Kuching yesterday. Say hi! <3

Steal a Kiss and Yet Call Us Friends

2011-07-06T04:36:00.000-07:00

Ni hao, hao jiu bu jian! (Not really)

I know I said I'd edit the post before my previous post and I didn't? Big deal. Heh. One of my favorite character in Friends would say "Potato, potato" with different pronunciation to it but.. ya dig? No? Exactly my point. Haha. So guess who made her mind up about the upcoming mid-semester break? :B Figure it'll be a fun getaway, InsyaAllah, but we'll see.

Been very redundant with the Mandarin language, well only because I'm taking it along with many other courses this semester. I'm aware that my empowerment is only at the par of an amateur but sistah don't be hatin', for all you know I could be doing public speaking in Mandarin by the end of this semester or at least learn how to curse from my slanted-eyed friends. Hahahaha, jokingggggggg.

Hmm, truth is, I'm running out of things to update because my idea of fun would be caving in my room and so to say limit myself from doing much, really. So much for keeping updated with the world, kan? Takpe, kite loner yang bahagia. I have nothing to complain because you know whyyyyyyy?

When I'm in my room, I get to go online and when I'm online, I get to see people post cute flattering stuff about me up on their blogs :P Let's take the nearest example here, my roomate!- which is by far, the most kind person I get to share a room with (considering all my former room mates were people I knew since I was 13 so they don't count haha). She helped me dye my hair, offers me things I don't eat, haha kidding, I say she's all around wonderful :) She even shared a link to this rotting blog and it'll only be right if I return the favor. Here you go.

Ni dia, comel lote itik gembo2. So, you my friend! Not me, you! Haha. You don't wanna get on this lil thing's bad side. Do follow k? K, wan'an!

Sometimes It's Up, Sometimes Down, But Mostly Down

2011-06-25T22:17:00.000-07:00

Part of me, I mean, most of me, yeah mostly-- love you for you. For the qualities that distinguish you from the rest. But truth be told, tonight, the untold bits of myself that seldom speak, seeks for the little things that you're not made of.

I only longed for a simple love. Where an 'I love you' gets returned with an 'I love you too' and the part where I would do anything for you can only mean vice versa. I know love is not about expecting things in return but part of me, I mean, most of me, yeah mostly-- wants a relationship that is a lot less harder.

Remember the time I cried? The time you watched me? And did nothing but stand, all stone cold? Remember that day I bawled? In front of our friends? And you left? Remember 12th May? The only day I should be feeling more important than the other day? My birthday? And you bailed?

:')

These are the times when part of me, I mean most of me, yeah mostly-- need you to become who you're not. Sometimes I tell myself it's fine for you to treat me badly and not owning up to it because it's just you and your stupid, inescapable egos but at other times I just want you to fill in the gaps.

I thought that after so many messed up relationships, I could actually know when to move on and straighten my judgement on jerks that treat me like dirt but nope, not this time because you know why? I'm a mediocre. Although, it feels as if there's a bitter taste in my mouth when I think of you, part of me, I mean most of me, yeah mostly-- can almost taste a hint of sweetness, and that's enough.

I Would Have Let You Leave

2011-06-20T02:15:00.001-07:00

Will edit this soon. Bare with me. Till then, much <3!

You Never Know What's Comin' for Ya

2011-06-12T00:43:00.000-07:00

Can't seem to button down which is more depressing - having accompany but still feel lonely as a cloud or simply not having one. My intro could only be suggesting one thing and that is, my presence here in Sarawak, no? It's always a different atmosphere here compared to the busy, hectic Kuala Lumpur and somehow all this unhurried and lazy surrounding feels almost like I'm on idle. The humidity and the quiet slothful time passing are just too much. I feel.. dead. But it's okay, I will try to humor myself with entertainment of any sort that I can find. In. My. Room.

T______T

I'm still in two heads whether to go back during the one week mid-semester break or stay in and cave myself alone. On one hand, a dose of KL's air seems totally harmless but my conscience tell me it is wasteful to contribute capital to the airlines industry who offers nothing but ridiculous-looking, rude flight attendants. But, we'll see.

Anyway, classes have started and most of it consist of the same familiar faces- people I look forward to work with this term so that leaves no room for skipping class. And umm I know I promised not to reveal my results if I get by and Alhamdullilah, I got by (lol) but I have some plans worked on for next semester and lets just hope that I will no longer be here after October (in a good way). InsyaAllah..

Have a delight, successful semester everybody.

I Know It Ain't Easy Givin' Up Your Heart

2011-05-26T20:55:00.000-07:00

WHO HAS ANY IDEA ON WHAT TO DO OR GIVE TO MY BOYFRIEND ON HIS 21st BIRTHDAY? HELP SERIOUSLY NEEDED!

They Don't Have The Slightest Idea

2011-05-20T10:58:00.000-07:00

Never did I thought I'd say this but mm it seems like the holidays are getting prrretty dull around here. Just a tiny bit. Heh. I mean, weekdays are still the workdays for most of us. Shocker. Yeah, so it's kinda hard to align my time when everyday is the weekend. My friends are working, so does boyfriend and it's always either too late or too early to go out. Well, did anywaaays. Hah.

Five days left to finally uncover the truth-- exam results and I am damn straight terrified. Shitless. Just don't let them be horrendous, that's all I'm asking. I'm no smarty pants so if I don't pass with flying colors, I promise not to make a big deal out of it like the kids we knew in school who complained sooooooooo much about getting JUST 96% for Science. I won't even reveal my grades, I promise. Just let me get by. Hahaha talk about aiming high ~.~

Anyways, I pray we all get by haha and mm yeah, just the best wishes, really. May the force be with you! :D

Gettin Old Ain't Fo Sissies

2011-05-12T08:30:00.000-07:00

Nineteen years young, and loving life :)

Luckily Unlucky

2011-05-07T12:11:00.000-07:00

You didn't have to yell. A simple please would've gotten me obey like a little puppy. But you are you-- a guy with a huge dick towering above his brains. Heh, what was I expecting? Lollipop rains?

Anyways, so sorry for the massive level of gloom I know no one wish to see but I am a girl, privileged with the right to rant the whatnots. Will come up with something worthy, hopefully.

Take care!

Where One Starts From

2011-05-03T00:04:00.000-07:00

"There's nothing half so pleasant as coming home again." Hmm :)

Don't really feel like blogging so image swamping will just have to do for now. Sayonara!

Tell The World That I'm Coming Home

2011-05-01T08:58:00.000-07:00

Everyone is busy enjoying every bit of their holidays and it's barely even starting. Here I am drawing images of plans inside my head and having them stay. I love being with my family, catch up and bonding but I can't neglect the fact that there's still one person I'm dying to be with and wow thanks so much for giving two fucks about it.

Sometimes, when I think about it I just don't see where all of this is getting us to-- getting me. I mean maybe it's just the highly intoxicating dose of Blair Waldorf that I am absorbing so much and so fast from Gossip Girl but well a powerful woman must first be empowered of herself before empowering others. How can that be obtained when all this waiting is for what, some douche who treats me like dirt and with that being said I am still so inescapably 'caged' in this so called love.

If it's for the better then I'd say powerful women deserve a damn good relationships but I know too well that it is not. I've been waiting for nothing but just well a simple welcome text could've been nice although knowing myself it would've took a whole lot more than just greetings. Heh. But still, I received none. N-O-N-E.

NONEEEEEEEEEEEE.

K, made a point. So let's cheers to a lonesome beginning of holidays after bragging about how wonderful it'd be. Nyea nyea nyea. Let's hope it doesn't stay this way for too long though. Other than that, yeah. Bye.

You've Been on My Mind

2011-04-28T07:41:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of just being away and missing out on all the amazing things that are happening at home. Although, I have to admit that having to witness some skank putting up their show like some uncivilized monkeys hm is rather heart-breaking yet, delightful. It is sublime how low can a person go even with dignity only of a size of the pint left in them. Tumultuous, I must say.

Anyways, I am just in a tizzy about going home. Yes, I know I said tizzy. It's stupid really when I should be feeling confident and happy and thrilled about all the arousing moments I'd be having but until then, I'm in a tizzy.

One paper left until the holidays and 2 days to that so I'll just enjoy what's left for me here- packing and cleaning and studying. It is almost funny how terse this semester have been I mean with all that has happened. Can't wait to not go through Sem 3! Heh. Wait till I get my hands on my baby and when that time comes, you can eat your motherfucking hearts out, bitches.

Pis pis kacang pis~

Carbs, Undies and The End of Semester

2011-04-22T06:47:00.000-07:00

Tell me one thing, how can one experience hungover without the presence of alcohol? Well it's not like I've ever had 'em but yeah that is.. that. Stupid question. Shouldn't have asked that. Slam the door on my face, please. Okay.

So I woke up, had breakfast with the usuals and thought I'd ask them if they'd want to be featured here and well, as you can see, the support was rather overwhelming :') Lol. Anyways, the semester is coming to its end and words can't depict how much I've gained.

I will miss (sikit je) squeezing in 6 people in a twin sharing room, screaming at each other for absolute nothing and singing out of tune just to get on each other's nerve. Hm, other than that there's no necessary for getting all mushy and nauseating since I will still be seeing them during the break haha :S

So let's cheers to wasting a whole pile lot of time, screwing grammars, worrying about not a single shit and wear sunglasses indoor! Haha. Happy holidays :)

Spam's Over

2011-04-19T07:38:00.000-07:00

They say the beginning of a depression is when you wake up and think that today is going to be horrible. If that's the case then I must be fucked since it's not only the matter of thinking but undergoing it.

My day basically consists of daytime nightmares, the wanders into nothingness and hearing only the indistinct voices of histories. There's not a single thing I could focus on and it almost feels like I'm losing it. All this self-destruction is just tiring.

Called mum earlier this evening and had a long heart-pouring session. Haven't really been crystal clear to anyone about this but mm well, all I did was sobbing throughout the conversation, contradicting her into something I'd want her to believe. But a mom's a mom so I think she kinda figured.

She nagged of course, and told me that I'd be stupid to waste everything now considering it's only days away from finals but she kept my heart warm telling me that if one person doesn't love me, just think of five more who does- Ma, Abah, Suha, Bina, Oman :)

I wish everyone the very best for finals and lets hope that all those long-dragging lectures and never ending assignments get paid off in the end. Let's kick some serious finals butt k?

Oteyh~

I Have So Much of You in My Heart

2011-04-18T22:28:00.000-07:00

Burn Your Past and Move On Fast

2011-04-14T10:44:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think you were just a passing dream but those forehead kisses and sweet good night wishes were too genuine and no phantom. Tomorrow is Tuesday and I will not see you. Tomorrow is Tuesday, not the same day as ones you used to say you love me.

My stomach's hungry, heart's empty. I can tell you I'm hurt but you cannot hold me. Big clothing, naked face and blind stares. What is there left for me?

You know the in-between stages of a wound? The kind of cut that scabs over time and time again, fooling you into thinking you're healed- but then it catches something and cracks and bleeds and the sting is reignited over and over and over?

Yeah.

We Buried Our Love in A Wintery Grave

2011-04-12T04:05:00.000-07:00

Excuse the melodramatic title. I'm actually feeling a little less sorry for myself and a whole lot of love today. Let's just say something really awesome fell on my lap <3 I hope everyone shares the feeling :)

As shocking as this will sound, I can't wait for finals! Haha. Thing is, today is the last day of classes for this semester and I'm beyond excited to get done with everything and come home.

I have so much planed for my semester break but one of the highlights would be the BBQ party my friends and I will put together. It's nothing really, I mean what's a BBQ's worth compared to your underage-clubbing-and-drinking-feeling-fly scene kan? But hell it's been more than a while since all of us gather and have good meals and good laughs. Sparing a single thought on it makes me beam like a little girl :)

Anddddd despite all that, a happy moment can always be ruined by the smallest thing like that song yang ku menunggu ku menunggu from Rossa tu. Ya Allah.. How annoying can the song gets? And yet I think I've vandalized the replay button on YouTube -___- Lol.

Much love!

Language of The Death

2011-04-09T20:58:00.000-07:00

fjwlerjhgiu54hignr ewmnf r4jthu54ig fneljwjkhge rluiht jkkfe jkjerkrhg If you wanted to forget me, why did you spend all that time getting to know me? nlfkejrwhgui5 kjngerhu3ihtj kjfsdngkerjghrejjfnlwerjihgiu45 bhjfvb jkdne nckejw tears mfnkjewrhg4i5woi keslnfgkjrengkjtre nfvnkjewbn nvkjlrh4uig nkejnvkjrbhg

jdkba jkbcjweb ktarghhhhhhh jvnekljbv nlkjrenjrt jgoddo nkdjnc jrekkkkkkjre jrk iudkhewqjkfhbcwerouigfb mohdsolihinabuhassan nifcunrwevpiu4

The intention was never to keep or to have you. The intention was always to love you. I miss you, more than normal.

I Want You Here but Now You're There, Take Care

2011-04-08T06:57:00.002-07:00

I have always imagined about nurturing our future together, but this pain can't contribute more but destroy us not even halfway up. I have said this repetitively but only to feel like it's false and maybe fate could twist it the other way around but, distance, has really taken its toll on us.

The image reflected upon the mirror shows no more me but him as not only part but my whole self was always him. Wherever I go, how far I run, the stop is always a new start of him. The more I forget, the more I remember. Open or shut, my eyes will only see vivid images of him. In tears or laugh especially, my memories won't let him slip by. Every shrinking piece left of me is embroidered to him.

So this is it- the end. I long long for this in many of my unmyself days and now that it's here there's more forlorn in me than all seas in the world merged together. Is this what I want is not a question I'd answer but discover unwillingly. I shall go through a pathetic path of downloading heart-wrenching songs on 4shared now. Heh.

I hope all of you find the love of your lives and never let go. Never..

She Smiles With Her Heart Not

2011-04-06T07:53:00.000-07:00

I've been having this devilry sets of thoughts about how unhappy things would get if I unravel the truth. The ugly truth that is, fellowshipping none but yours truly. I always come to think that we can always skip the hideous turn of karma if we let the good deeds catch up with the bad ones. But foolish I was to ignore that its rule are like old trees-- the roots go down under. No simple machinery can get rid of it.

I did something bad once and paid for it. Awful circumstances are now back to hunt, so it's either karma has a thing for me or I'm just excellent at screwing up and not noticing. I know the pictures don't really connote best of my feelings at the moment but well, nothing is easy so I'm trying- by putting up pictures of me smiling? Haha, makes no sense. But what does?

jhfalgfbasljkg. Bye.

Shadenfreud

2011-04-01T00:26:00.000-07:00

Final is in less than three weeks and I can see myself in no position of being motivated at all. What I do everyday is devote myself to Gossip Girl- marveling over Chuck and yell at Jenny through the screen. It's sad, but.. yeah, just sad.

I hope everyone feels as terrible as moi. Peace awt.

Inside Her Heart Could Never Be Dim

2011-03-23T01:44:00.000-07:00

P/S : Kandungan post memualkan.

I was 17 then, so much in love with a boy of 19 years old and they thought it was cute-- contradiction to 'they won't make it'. It's been one year, one month, one week and one day since that day left and my feelings have not changed a single bit. This is straight out of a text book but I love you, and I will always do.

Better Recognize Your Lady, Me

2011-03-14T08:26:00.000-07:00

I guess what I did was hm, rather childish. Even for me. I was hoping I could find somewhat of an equality but what was I thinking?

You are you and an insect like you would never understand the value of respecting one's relationship. You were here when it all begun and I see you've gone nowhere since. One of us had to make the exit and I was stupid enough to think you would. I thought I was complex but you are hands down twisted. I could put up a fight if I really wanted to, but where's the competition in outrunning a trash like you anyways?

So here goes my bow to you. May you have all the happiness *cough* penises *cough* in the world.

2011-03-11T03:19:00.000-08:00

"Apabila bumi digoncangkan dengan goncangan (yang dahsyat) dan bumi telah mengeluarkan apa yang dikandungnya." (Az-Zalzalah : 1-2)

The world is indeed coming to its end.

Hmm, can't help but notice the tremendous amount of updates regarding the 8.9 earthquake that struck Japan earlier this afternoon. Some comments and remarks are hard to process though, that it practically made jokes out of this like, "Tsunami in Japan, fucking save Maria Ozawa for us" or "Hentai no more?" Seriously? Not only it's insensitive tapi nampak sangat sempit kepala otak.

My prayers are with Japan and those who are in Pacific basis as the quakes triggered a tsunami warning for countries all around Pacific ocean.

Selamatkan kami, Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku..

Should I Find What's More?

2011-03-06T00:39:00.000-08:00

Pictures credit goes to one of Ben's House members.

Nabila sila sedar diri, minggu depan dah haruk dengan test. But that is that, I'll manage acecece. Know what's amusing? 17 days to go and I'm out from this dumphole. I am so extremely boisterous about everything and I hope it stays this way :) Wishing everyone a lovely week. Peace acah acah comel sket. Haha.

Of a Pure Impartial Hate

2011-02-26T03:16:00.000-08:00

As Any She Belied With False Compare

2011-02-24T04:26:00.000-08:00

The last thing I ate was a packet of Twisties. Washed it off with a can of Nescafe and the next thing I find is my body, raging in heat. I've always had low antibody even before I could remember. My sister is a superhuman. She gets sick once in every two years. Bet her life's perfect. But that is not the point.

Point is, I hate-- no, fucking hate being sick. Well, there were times when I wish I could get so sick so that people would treat me nicely. Fucking attention whore, I know, but you don't always get what you want when you want them. It comes rolling when it's the last thing you need. Moving on, being sick gets me so fucked up emotional. Kinda feels like my progesterone is slipping away, like I'm a man or something. I don't know why I'm explaining this, but you get what I mean.

You see, I'm not perfect. I have hormones havoc just like everyone else. I get sick more than I should. I am always a fashion don't. My favorite food is vocabularies. I love reading like an emo kid loves slitting wrists and here's the best part- the only thing left on my right eyebrow is skin. I'm eyebrow-bald. Yeppers, true shit right there. You'd notice if you really compare both of my eyebrows. The wonders of make-up.. I can never thank enough.

There you go, I'm flawed. Everyone is, so why we bother so much about another being (that it sometimes lead to stalking) is just inescapably disturbing. What more for a person like me?

Kan? Tok pehe. Tok pehe.

You Would Never, Ever Save Me

2011-02-19T22:02:00.000-08:00

I could never run from the obvious that I'm helplessly in love with you but at certain point of time I could feel the verge of quitting pounding hard through my chest.

I stood for you against the truest certitude. I let you keep safe of your friends and let me hurt just because it makes you happy. I stay late at night and say it's okay to participate last in your life. I toss everything that gives meaning to me and let you be the only one that will. Oh the things I do for you.. Now tell me why in hell should I receive less than happiness? Eeee.

Okay enough with the melodramatic chronicle already.

Let me just share something that is somewhat intertwined with my experience. I have a friend who I personally think was blessed beyond recognition to have someone who was willing to take her as she is, to love and cherish, to commit himself fully to her. But well, guess the story wouldn't be complete if the expected did not take place-- she treated him like dirt. Chased him out and he would came back crawling for her. The same thing repeated for the whole semester and as he was tired of being stepped on each time, when my friend called it off, he made sure it was for the last time.

She did not come off being sorry that she found herself a spankin' new boyfriend that fulfills her legitimate fitting. Well look wise, at least. She takes him as he is, to love and cherish, to commit herself fully to him and what happened? --not even a month of dating, cold stormy fights come visiting. Well maybe it's the distance, or just mere misunderstandings but you can't help but to think it's karma, can you?

So next time you ever think of mistreating someone, don't. For whatever reason it could hold, just don't. Think of the person you might be loving next and imagine what it would feel if he's the one who makes you cry.

It Ends Here

2011-02-16T02:39:00.000-08:00

If I were to keep a track on how many times have I vowed to myself to stop, it would be like diving into an abyss. It's either I hold my breath to an endless finding or just bleed to death.

No, I'm not mad at you. It's not your fault that my boyfriend doesn't choose me to confide in. I felt (still do, always will) bad that I had to drag you into this as you were already 'intervening'. I'm sorry.

As for us, if you think that what you did was wrong, then start doing the right thing. If not, let me fucking go.

How Are You, My Breaking Heart?

2011-02-15T05:36:00.000-08:00

Ini bukan entri minta simpati *&^@&!(#? nak tagih pelukan dan ciuman. Aku cuma mahu cerita. Lama aku tak sohseh perihal geli-geli.

So tersebutlah geli...

Kau tau tak rasa sesak nafas yang tak berpunca. Maksud aku, kau tak sakit tak apa. Kau cuma susah nak bernafas sampai kau rasa bra pun apahal lah ketat gilababi. Haha ke laut. But somewhat that way. Kau rasa nak menjerit, hentak kepala kat dinding, tikam pisau dekat lengan hahahahaha emo nye lahai. Tapi serious la. Feels as though you're about to lose it-- or had, in the matter of fact.

Aku kurung diri. Menangis satu hari. Aku baring, aku duduk. Aku berdiri, aku duduk lagi. Macam ada benda yang hilang. Banyak kali aku cakap benda yang sama kat diri sendiri. AKU. DAH. HILANG. AKAL. AKU. DAH. HILANG. AKAL.

Kau tahu jenis perempuan yang paling lelaki benci? Jenis yang seperti aku. Serious talking, bai. Aku ni penserabut. Aku tak tahu kalau terma tu wujud tapi cincai cerita aku suka serabutkan orang. The clingy type of girlfriend. Betuuul. Not an ounce of sarcasm, I promise.

Aku cuma reti sayang orang dalam bahasa aku sendiri. Aku lupa yang lain orang, lain bahasanya or maybe aku sedar tapi play dumb. Pernah jugak aku fikir sampai bila nak macam ni. Sampai bila sampai bila sampai bila.. then dia call and out of the blues macam ada syaitan rasuk aku and perangai aku jadi purrrrkay balik.

Aku dengar bunyi riuh rendah bawah hostel sambut harijadi. Cakap pasal harijadi, harini harijadi pertama aku dengan Solihin. Takpelah, aku macamane2 pun, at least someone is happy today. Selamat harijadi jiran bawah bilik.

Game Over, Motherfucker

2011-02-11T22:24:00.000-08:00

Discontent. Discontent. Irritated. Pique. Nuisance. Discontent.

Will edit this when I find marveling at new vocabs is just as fun as it used to be. These brains, they need to vacate away.

Good luck with handling life, bitches.

2011-02-08T23:41:00.000-08:00

Apa khabar Kuala Lumpur yang seksi?

Saya rindu.

Feeling a Wee Bit of Fucked Up

2011-02-03T08:59:00.000-08:00

Often people asked me when things went wrong in my previous relationships, what really happened. There were many versions of responses blurted out, but one and definite would be life. Life happened.

I have never backed out in love before. They left, and not a single time I had done the same during the time. I wouldn't bet on the tiniest take of regret because without all that had occurred, I wouldn't have met the one I truly adore now.

But hey, not gonna lie. Things are looking pretty shady now and I would very much love to see if this is gonna wrap up just like the previous unlucky ones.

Game face on.

Thanks for Staying, Especially When It Hurts

2011-01-21T20:41:00.001-08:00

The whole Samarahan is expected to have no supply of water today. I feel like shitting but how to cuci? I don't want to wipe it off with some tissues or paper for the matter of fact. Fucken unsanitary, no offence.

Ehem.

Got up early today, thought I'd go out with mi amigas but them lazy asses are just too busy snoring it off. So here I am, with crushed enthuthiasm, naratting another unworthy post for you unworthy stalkers. Heh, kidding. I laf ol mai boifren's exes! Muwah! Muwah!

..ooookay.

Anyway, you know what's annoying? People claiming what's not theirs them is what's annoying. Fucken gets in me. Stop already la before I.. I.. do nothing. Heh. I wish I had the guts to utter everything that came through my mind but I do that, and I'll be regretting it a second later.

Just checked my stats, was pretty surprised with what I discovered. Try it, you monkey sluts will die haha. I've never really said this before because I know how judgmental people would lash out things like "Hukaloh bukan la ada org baca sgt blog kau tu pun," and yada but quoting from the clichés, my blog, my say.

So yups, thank you for browsing through, increasing my stats, and made me felt like somebody for a moment :') Hugs and kisses!

This Feels Wrong but What's Right Anyway?

2011-01-19T06:01:00.000-08:00

Farah's out, playing the field on someone who I think straight up deserves it. I bet Aishah and Syuhada are lying stiff on their bed kekenyangan maut. I'm hungry but I can't eat. I walloped a whole stack of maggie just a bit before. You don't care, of course.

So I bought a couple of books from a fair that held at my U the day before yesterday. Some really old school stuff. Nothing like Sophie Kinsella's or anything like that. One was actually first published on 1978 and to tell you the truth I'm having a hard time sinking in some words at the back of my head but then again learning new things is always a good step to be not senile.

I feel ignorant somehow, using books to dodge my brains away from thinking about him. I can, can't I? To spare some emotional energy for my one darling? Well I guess at the point of this time in relationships, things are to be like this. Used to think what a complete BS it was but then guess what took place? You are just not as important as he told you before. You gotta back off, give him 'his' space, let him make you feel like a big pile of crap. Talk about looooving. I feel like a ginourmous stress of regret is being pressured against my chest. I love that boy, God knows, but I won't lie about not wishing some nasty stuff before. Heh..

I'm coming home in 9 days. Funny how I don't even get all pumped up anymore. Just not worth the adrenalines. I am supposed to do an agenda for a mock meeting. Can fuck that shit. I'm going to sleep.

Sweet dreams.

I Don't Write, I Feel

2011-01-14T04:41:00.000-08:00

We both know being far from each other has been nothing but tiring and our journey hasn't been entirely bright and blithesome but I know my feelings towards you has always been precise. As an 'I love you to death' phrase is being overused today, it still could not help me connote my feelings for you-- not until death itself comes.

After thousands of "I miss yous", hundreds of phone calls, handfuls of plane rides and an infinite amount of love, I am more than happy to share a relationship of 11 months with such a lovely soul. You have no idea how much I want to be there with you right now :'(

I (fill in the blank) you so very very much.

But I've Forgotten You, Just Like I Should

2011-01-04T22:44:00.000-08:00

Verbalizing thoughts has always been my one debility. I usually get caught up with anger or whatever state of emotion I experience at the moment and say things I regret saying. I like taking some time and value my feelings by jotting down what I honestly feel. I like writing.

Never did I intend to use my writings as a mechanism to raise sympathy or as a contradiction to my feelings so that I'd impress people.

Haih. This should really be a no-brainer man. Guess you guys really have no brain one.

All There's Left To Do is Run

2011-01-01T00:23:00.000-08:00

I didn't have the best new year celebration. I watched the fireworks from a bus stop, had Aunt Flow come visiting in a middle of a cold terrible supper and am now suffering from a tormenting chest ache.

Looking on the other side of the coin, I get to spend my last night here with Mr. Loverboi and all the best people around. We had good laugh, shared something memorable-- what's there to complain? If I were to go back today, right this second, I'd go back as a happy girl with no reluctant knowing that I left good memories.

I don't have all the money in the world, ain't no fancy clothes behind my back, not everyone likes me and damn, is my life sucky or what. But you know what, to hell with that. I am pleased as punch :)

So happy new year everyone! Hope this year'll bring great positive outcomes to you and your loved ones. Much love!

Love Me at My Worst

2010-12-15T07:31:00.001-08:00

Mungkin ada sekali, atau dua kali gadis itu mengada tak bertempat, pada yang dianggapnya mungkin peduli. Mungkin pernah sengaja tak mahu difahamkan bahasa kekasihnya itu. Mungkin ada tersilap masa dia mintakan kehendak hatinya tapi dia, cintakan kau pada tahap yang perempuan lain tak boleh capaikan walau pakai imaginasi.

Gadis itu mungkin tak sempurna, tapi tak minta dijadikan satu. Ada kau, cukup pada dia.

So Much For a Happy Ending

2010-12-15T07:06:00.000-08:00

Happy 10th month anniversary, asshole.

Our Hearts Went On

2010-12-11T09:51:00.000-08:00

I wandered through a pile of folders that gathered still images of us. The memories laid behind them weren't so still though that they still run rapidly at the back of my head.

I sometimes laugh, cry in between, and laugh again. Seeing how fresh we were back then, uncorrupted by hates and may I say towering hopes that turn its back on us-- on me, was too overwhelming.

I secretly wish we could go back and chain our curious hearts, blind our wandering eyes, or program our heads with only contradictions so it wouldn't hurt so bad if we fall. But we did so-- we hurt and got hurt. We fell hard on our faces. There's not one moment that we did not give up. We gave up all the time and when all the imbalance chemical settles, we were a whole again.

Because we, yes you and I, are real fighters baby. You especially, for loving me when I was the heaviest I'd ever been. For shoving that burnt crap in your mouth when I told you it'll taste awful, and it did, but you ate it still. For staying in the car when all your guy friends were enjoying night out just so you could stay with me and only talk --on the phone. For not yelling back when I screamed out the rudest words at you. For always taking my jokes when no one could. Real fighter, you are.

Thinking that you almost give up on me, made me praise Allah twice as much for not letting you.

So Dear Merciful Allah, let him fight for me another 3 days.

3 days.

Substance That Only We Understand

2010-12-08T07:41:00.000-08:00

Sem break has been uberrrr fun. I love the idea of not being apart from my love-- well not yet. But as a British say, I'm in a right pickle.

I had the most liberating conversation with boyfriend and a lady who practically was a complete interloper. God knows how it all begun but it happened.

She talked about my star signs and boyfriend's but with zero normality to it. It's like she knew me but again horoscope and new age stuff are easy to drink in. I mean everything's printed. What caught my attention the most is the bundle of good insights she had. It's not like I'm buying the whole thing but it's good to hear someone getting on your good side.

I don't know, I might just be stupidly caught up with the intense and immensely intriguing emotion, but all in all I think I'm just tremendously blessed :)

Hope you have a splendid week!

Wait It Out

2010-12-08T02:28:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtYg1RVOWbs

Not that my love for Imogen is lessen in any possible way but this, this.. I'll just go and cry now. Bye.

And You're Still Here

2010-12-08T02:19:00.000-08:00

I'm so at peace. I feel deliberated. Ah, yes deactivated my account. I wouldn't say it's for the long run but I'm pretty content with how things are momentarily. Guess we'll just have to see.

I don't plan on jotting anything lengthy for today so I'll just cut it. Good day, people.

Selamat Menjawab SPM

2010-11-18T23:57:00.000-08:00

I was infamous throughout the last couple years of my high school. Actually, infamous isn't quite how I'd put it. The term itself brings a higher par of understanding (at least for me it does). Movie stars got OD'ed consuming drugs or bad ass politician scandal should pair with the term, not some stupid school kids 'experiment'. Anyways, sure you got the idea already by now-- I obeyed nothing but what's against the school's regulations.

I ran from my teachers. Skipped every classes that screams boredom. Climbed up a wall I never thought I'd overcome (wasn't very athletic, so yeah). Stole my brother's coins for a stick of cigarette. Nicotine was pretty much a routine feeder to my lungs. I smoked Mary-Jane from a hookah stand. Lied to my mum about a sleepover and traveled halfway across the city to have a great fucking ball sipping amphetamin. Gone doofus inhaling laughing gas and let it warps my fucking mind. Slit my fucking wrists (wow that was stupid). Shared a bed with a stranger and had a sidekick too. But that's a different case.

Moving on, I thought I was having fun. But having fun came with a cost-- I lost hundreds of hair strands daily. Haha. Anyways, it's not that what I plan to write about. It's how a person could get so caught up with prejudice and being judgmental.

My sister has been telling me all sort of stories about how my former teachers, how their're acting all bias to her, judging her just because she's my sister and decided to come to a notch that she'll turn up just like mua. If it's gonna be my way I say fuck them fucking fucks but well thing has not been about me anymore, has it?

So I feel bad about what I did that it has affected her but hey they're fucking adults, fuck's sake. So I made a mistake. Mistakes, if I'll just say. I screwed up bigtime. But that was then. I think from where I came, I'm doing pretty good now. At least I'm doing something here. I'm trying, no? So fucking stop la.

Semua orang buat salah tapi tak semua orang jahat.

Abu main dengan Timah. Bapak Timah tahu. Abu dapat cop atas dahi penoda anak dara orang. Keturunan Abu bakal dapat bonus yang sama.

Ali main dengan Jila. Jila mengandung. Ali kahwin dengan Jila. Siti, anak Jila masih berbintikan Ali. Siapa tau? Takda sapa.

Sekurangnya Abu, Tuhan pilih untuk sedarkan dia. Belajar dari silap dia. Dengan izin, dia dapat hidayah dan tak buat lagi.

Ali pula, kalau mahu, boleh kahwin dengan Siti. Nice gak tu.

Tahla aku mungkin tak betul sepenuhnya. Tapi aku geraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam. Orang yang duduk dalam kelas, confirm belajar. Aku kat luar, jadi sundal. Cam tu ka?

Sumpah tak rindu sekolah.

I Don't Work For Free

2010-11-08T00:06:00.000-08:00

Au revoir mes amis.

It's Not About Who's Wrong or Who's Right

2010-11-06T14:38:00.000-07:00

The day you knew I was leaving, you broke every shields you had. You were unarmed. You were unmasked. You were nothing but true. You were you. I lost the 'you' I saw that day. He disappeared as distance and time intervened our relationship.

I am not mad nor I was sad. I'm glad because minutes before, he came back to me-- the boy I thought I had lost. You said if we make it out okay this time then we'll make it okay next time and the time after, just like how we made it out okay the last time around.

When I come home, we'll wander around, just the couple of us souls and talk. We'll talk about how we feel for each other repetitively and it'll never get old. We'll sit and listen to free live bands at the corner of the Pavillion, where no nonsensical teenage thrash would even come near as they're too busy seeking for temporary enchantment in front of the entrance. We'll sit there with the elderlies. We'll make out and I'll stop you and make the move again. I'll tell you I love you and you'll never say more than necessary.

I'd love it that way better. That way I'd have nothing to regret later.

PS : Guess who's up for metaphorical writing tonight? or morning in the matter of fact. Heh. Coming home in 3 days!

Anyways, feel free to go here then check this out. Compare and tell me who chu think is keeping it real. Go ahead, SURPRISE ME :)

O, incase the first link's fucked, just add me up. I'm sure it's due to the privacy settings and whatnots. Good day people!

The Soul That Gave Life To My Soul

2010-11-05T00:06:00.000-07:00

My apologies for the image swamping lately. Couldn't seem to find the right words and sentences to structure my writing. Had these amazing little kimbabs (could still feel it in my buds) the other day and sat for a movie after 2 whole months losing track of new-released movies. I'm a movie girl so I say it's pretty big deal.

Um. Well. Er. K I told cha I'm bad at narrating routines. Heh. And what the fuck does 'a movie girl' supposed to mean anyways? Haha. I'm out.

--5 days to go.

Take a Sad Song and Make it Better

2010-11-03T21:25:00.000-07:00

When we first came here, we were one of the bunch who couldn't set phase to sort our eases and the sense of self-belonging was never quite there. Our hearts couldn't settle so we loathed the place and everything that came with it.

As time passes I'm sure our stances has now tilted. First semester of studies, friendships and love-- you'll be missed.

Rasa cam nak nangis pun ada ni. So pondan.

I've Had My Run, Baby I'm Done

2010-11-02T03:31:00.000-07:00

2 days in November and I could already feel the heat.

7 days to go my sexy, mouth-licking, lover.

We Can Skip Small Talk, Get Right to The Chase

2010-11-01T01:48:00.000-07:00

What's with the never-ending plays of Talking to The Moon lingering every corner I turn to now? Hear another line from the song and I'll barf --blood. I have no problem whatsoever with the song, I have problem with people who couldn't seem to put a notch to the song when they barely get the idea. Fucking bugs the hell out of me.

Speaking of which, I just found out that feelings are shifty. One moment it's for this person and even before you know it, the feelings' tossed and Exhibit B gets it. Ha fucking ha.

I'm so mad my head is bursting.

I Just Want You Closer, If That's Alright

2010-10-30T09:11:00.000-07:00

Whether it's waking up to reluctant mornings or going through strength-less nights, I always come back to the fact that I'm coming home just so I could inject myself with a dose of mental support.

I get to hug the most beautiful boy I've ever laid eyes on in 11 days time.

Psyched? You have no idea.

Now Get Him Off His Fucking Thrown

2010-10-21T21:32:00.000-07:00

So there's a plan shift. Heh heh heh.

I'm so happy I don't even feel hungry anymore.

Hmm :)

Swallow Every Seeds and A Watermelon Will Grow

2010-10-20T12:36:00.000-07:00

Baik dalam meng-update statuses, tukar caption gambar, or even phrasing something little --JANGAN PLAGIAT. Dalam blogging aku tak payah mula lah kan. Tapi dalam social website tu nak impress orang? Kuyup der.

Kalau kau beli baju walau ada 1000 helai yang sama setiapnya, letak lah kat mana pun, kalau itu kau punya, kau akan tahu. Jadi jangan la nak cuba-try-test.

Annoying sangat, lagi annoying dari Aznil Haji Nawawi.

Dis-stained.

2010-10-20T07:20:00.000-07:00

I've abandoned everything I knew of. To eat or not to eat. To wake up or not to wake up. To pull through or not to pull through. What's the difference? I feel so whimsically light, walking around without important elements of myself. My heart, my senses, my ambiances-- ah guess they flew away.

And why is forcing my muscles to smile feels burdensome?

Stupid distance has taken its toll on us. If it was not because of it, I'd be there now and get a dose of him. Catch a slight indistinct of his quirky laugh or even just stare at the way he handsomely unbends himself.

Pergi mampus sama percaya, sama setia, sama masa. Nak terima atau tak, kita ini dikulikan jarak. Kita isikan percaya, isikan setia, isikan masa bila kau rasa hangat jasad aku-- 22 atau 26 hari lagi.

Kadang-kadang manusia lupa, apa yang ada, walau sekecilnya itu, harus diberi harga. Aku lupa, kau lupa.

Hasilnya, kita disini.

If You're a Bird, I'm a Bird

2010-10-11T17:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, you just have to leave all that glorious effort and do what your soldiered heart is capable of, something that is not so pushed, let go of your armed paranoia and just let it be rather than to carry forward another episode of your heart-stepped tale.

***

Been living much behind the computer lately. Stuffing my brains with sights and thoughts to fulfill my conscience. What's new with the world? I seem to have been asphyxiated with my own now.

Some stories are like that and some are like this. Some relationships are like that and some are like this. Some may have their plots predicted, some may never figure all the answers. Where do I stand now? --and which way to go?

There are times when I wish love wouldn't be so animated. That it would be just a state of mind. But then, guess who I found? You.

I remember every minuscule minute --for it was not minuscule to me. I remember nestling in your lap when you'd complaint of the heavy pressure I stressed on you. When I knew all that you said came with not a slight intention of afflicting my emotions. The warmth of your flesh, clinging on my shoulders. I did not see your eyes but it is here now --eyelash batting, arrowed towards mine. I can't help but to long whenever I smell the scent of burnt Winston crust, of even just mere wander of someone random standing that is as the same. I reminisce of your exhales and my heart breaks two.

I haven't said this for a while, but I miss you.