gos·sa·mer

Dear, ___________

I'm not mad at you anymore. Maybe just sad. You broke my heart after all. But last night, I couldn't cry. The tears have dried but that dry dreadful pull in my heart when it sinks at the thought of you and her, unfortunately, did not go away. At least not yet. You know what is funny though? What's funny is you going back to the person who left you before 'we' existed. And somehow, I kind of feel bad for dragging you that long when you're still in love with her. 

On every night we were still together, I went to bed psyching myself out saying, "She is nothing. He loves you." I had to constantly tell that to myself because I couldn't hear it from you then. See how the joke's on me now? What we had was magic. I still smile sometimes thinking about it but let's face it, this is tragic. All I ever wanted was a normal, upfront love. Boy loves girl, girl loves boy, boy and girl happy, the end. I don't want an 800 episodes of soap opera. And with you, I can never have it easy. But that made me fought harder, because it was hard, because it had meaning.

I don't blame you. I couldn't stand myself at most time of the day but you stood by me and you may have not loved me but you were my best friend. Now that this's happened, I am not certain about anything anymore. But don't worry, I'll figure it out. I won't lie and pretend like this doesn't affect me but I'll figure it out. I always do. 


Looking at the decisions we made, to call it quit when it hurts the most, I realized that we grew so mature together. Here's to you and her. And besides, I rather like being a nonchalant loner.