gos·sa·mer

Cold night. Curious wind. Angered by the silentness, I pick up the phone. Contemplating to dial the numbers I've embedded so deep in my brains. They're unerasable no matter how hard I try to remove that bit of my memory. From ego I put the phone down. I made coffee, taking small sips while my mind compulsively checking to its favorite place- bringing me back to the place I'm avoiding- to you. But then the sick thought of your lips being so close to mine evaporates it all. I look up to every corner of the house, trying to catch your scent. Hopeless. I look out the window. Saw damp lights from the house in front of mine. Glad. Knowing someone else is awake, warmed my insides. Although the misery is for me alone to taste. In the haze of being half asleep and half rational I tried to sit my emotions down. They weren't entirely still. I don't know how to settle myself, how to put my thoughts in order or where to place my hands. I realize I am messy with my feelings. But I promise I feel you the most.